Holiday has come and there’s plenty to devour. You know me. I’m a causal man. With no qualms at all. As my brothers devoured their mountainous portions of fried meat with chicken, Shanna and I watched them like lords. It was very amusing. And very entertaining as well. We nearly forgot our small satisfying portions of food. You might think my brothers were starved in school. Not true. They were given more than enough. Yet they come home and devour like lions. They were provided for more than Shanna and I ever were.
Sometimes, as a kid, I despise that injustice. But that was what could come out of my parents’ pockets. I had no choice but to comply, unfair as it is.
Dad never touched me but my body was decorated with Mum’s whip. I shrink at her presence but I’m always free with my Dad. We be pallies, as I go down to broken English. Even sef, my papa dey yan with me better pass anybody. My mama na killer, O! I no dey near am, lie lie! Her body na electricity. Naked wire proper proper!
Got the comprehension of my readers? I hope so. I learnt broken English when I got back to Nigeria. It was thrilling. Let me mention this that I was the bone-cracker of the house. Shanna and the rest left their bones but I cracked them to the core like a dog. Dad believed that this could make me strong. Na wa-o for am sha! Down to broken English again.
During the long vac in my school, Udi came and told me he was going to Lagos. I was going to miss him terribly, I told him. We shook our fingers and hugged each other “brotherily”.
Don’t bother to hunt for that adverb in your dictionary. Dad is a Plateau man and Mum is a Benue woman. You might wonder why their traditional marriage was done at my birth place. As I said, Igbo was his favourite. He liked Asaba. Which makes me his favourite. He never wanted us to know his state. What a strange man, my father! You might think I came from a mad house.
Dad’s dad is still alive and living in Marine Road, Cable Point, Asaba at Dad’s insistence. Oh brother! Ever wonder why he runs away from his tribe? Humph! I’ll tell you later on. Dad is an incomprehensible guy. He has built the biggest house there in Asaba. Hei! Na wao!! Dat man never tire. Sote him go build house for Asaba. Wetin be all dis? Eh?
I tell you, my readers, that this ain’t no laughing matter. Anyway, I’m the baby of the house. I keep mute. I love him, sha. I’m so free with him. But he has to know that some of the things he does irritate me. Maybe it’s natural. I wish God would make me a man of great virility even when I am old.
I shed crocodile tears as I watched Udi go. For good. I thought desperately on how to get another friend. You might think maybe I wanted to get rid of Udi. Not true.
One long vac came. My elder brothers were behaving like mischievous cats. When everyone had retired to bed, they stayed awake and had the audacity to wake me up. Wole had a nylon bag in his hand. They got me and left the house. I became apprehensive. I knew I was undergoing a risk. I swallowed everything in and kept mute and followed my stupid superiors like a fool. They went to our next door neighbour. The only son, the only child, was also awake. Gosh! This was all pre-planned!!! We all got in the house and Wole took out the thing inside the nylon bag and slotted it in their video.
Disgust mounted in me as I watched what was on that tape. My brothers lacked etiquette. Especially my neighbour’s son. They behaved as if they’ve never seen a blue film before. I already knew what sex was all about. Dad tells me all these things. Out of curiosity, I even read it up in the general library (Of course I couldn’t borrow the book out). I couldn’t talk. Everywhere was tensed up. When I’ve watched what I wanted to watch, I became sleepy and yawned. I did not even know when the film finished. But I did know when I was slapped awake. I cursed them inside. Quickly, we went as noiselessly as we came, I leading the way, eager for my bed. My brothers told me never to tell Mum and Dad. I even forgot about the whole thing the next morning.
But of course, I couldn’t hide it from Shanna. She laughed when I told her, calling me a crook. It was a joke of course and I shrugged nonchalantly. The issue died within us.
I guess I spoke miscellaneously, till now.
TO BE CONTINUED…